I’m now finding the fight within myself.
June 21, 2010

Hey Bloggas! What's really good? Working out and dancing is soooo tiring, but I have never felt better! It's so strange to me that I'm now finding the fight within myself. One night I even worked out until 1am! I knew I needed to get a workout in. I mean, I was tired as it gets, but I knew that workout had to happen. The entire time, I just told myself to get through it...and I did!!! I burned the calories I needed and proved to myself that the gym wasn't gonna defeat me. Take that, LEE!

Meeting Jesus for the first time was so NERVE-WRECKING! I had the hugest crush on him last year when he danced with Trice. Jesus has such a great smile! Ok, now I'm starting to blush! Lol! Anywho, I knew Jesus was an accomplished dancer and that I was going to have to work hard to impress him. The thing is ever since I danced with Bri, my confidence has been shot. Choreography is so much harder than I ever thought it would be for me. I hope Jesus is patient...cause that first practice might be my biggest challenge yet.

As much as I love dancing with Jesus...I can't say that I enjoyed showing my "beautiful side." Beautiful is and always will be a fantastic song...just not for me. I am still working on trying to find my inner and outer beauty, and I just didn't feel that connection with the song or dance. Talking about feeling beautiful when you don't exactly feel that way was soooooo awkward. I mean, really AWKWARD! Jesus probably wants to smack me now!

Before doing DYAO, I never even knew what lines, 8 counts, and stage right and left were. I mean, where I'm from you just hit that floor and get busy! LOL! So, once Jesus, Tiana, George, and Nick explained all this to me, I was determined to get it right. In order to properly finish my lines, I had to get out of my head and into the music. I had to connect with it from core to fingertips. Dancing to me is a natural thing...I have natural ability, but dancing with training and doing it properly is very meticulous. I have so much respect for the pros. It takes a lot of dedication to continuously train your body to learn new things and be graceful. I LOVE IT!

So, I guess the secret is out of the bag...I sooooooooooooooooooooooo dig Corey! Omg! Corey is definitely one of a kind. When I first met him I fell instantly. He was in Group 2 at casting so we didn't get to see much of each other...but I made sure I saw him. After arriving at the house and actually getting to talk to him, I knew he was gonna be trouble (in a good way). Corey makes me feel good about who I am. He doesn't look at me and see a fat girl, he sees me. He is kind, intelligent, and caring. I couldn't ask for anything more. When I'm around him I feel so much more confident and comfortable in my own skin. When I am broken down mentally and physically, he relaxes me and just lets me know he cares. Corey is totally amazing...I can't wait to see what happens! I smell a spin-off...JUST KIDDING!

Thanks for reading my blog...until we meet again BLOGGAS!
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For more on Kiki, read her bio here.

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