I look at vodka this way...it has NEVER really been that good to me in the past BUT I do associate alcohol with some of the best times of my life because I love to go out with my friends and socialize over a couple of drinks...being with them makes me happy. Now with the changes I've made in my life, I realize that these social meetings will be detrimental to my success and ability to keep the weight off in the future. Hanging out without alcohol can be done!!!
Ya'll I can do some DAMAGE at a buffet...but this one was different...normally I rush through and grab WHATEVER I want, but this particular time I really concentrated on what I was putting on my plate. I have always had and always will have a sweet tooth so when I see chocolate or cake, it’s like they scream for me to pick them up. I did sample a little of the chocolate lava cake, but fortunately for me it didn't have the taste that I was looking for...dear Lord I hope this rings true for when I have to go back into the real world...I now have to ALWAYS be conscious of what I'm putting into my body FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!
When Ruben stepped out, I couldn't believe it was him!! He did such a great job on Season 1 and he was such an inspiration. Standing there with Ruben, someone who had gone through what we are going through at this moment, was a very special thing for me...I look up to Ruben and know that if he could do it, then I could too!!! When Ruben took us backstage at Viva Elvis, I was like a kid in a candy store...I love to perform and if I could do it everyday like these fabulous dancers at Viva Elvis I WOULD BE IN HEAVEN...thank you to everyone at Viva Elvis for being so kind and patient with me...your show is AMAZING and it made my Vegas trip one that I will NEVER forget!!
What you all don't know is that right before Ballroom Week, I fell at the house and messed up my tailbone. I was struggling with the pain so much while in Vegas (maybe the alcohol helped) so when we went to Crunch here in LA, it was very difficult for me to enjoy the striptease dancing PLUS it was a very feminine way of moving and quite honestly I needed to stay away from that or else Danny & Lisa Ann would have a field day with me...MAN UP...blah, blah, blah!! LOL
Once again, I know that in order for me to remain in this competition I need to continuously pull large numbers on the scale. My dancing is not up to par with Adamme & LaToya but I do know that I can give them a run for their money in the gym! 6.2 lbs. this late in the game is nothing to sleep on...hopefully you all will see that fight in me and know how badly I want to be here!!! I know I complain a lot BUT please step back a take a look at why I do it...I AM FIGHTING EVERY DAY TO BE HERE and I handle that stress differently than the other contestants...I am getting better about bitching BUT I'll ALWAYS have something to say...sorry folks, that's just me! ;-)
Being in the bottom 3 is NOTHING NEW for me...even though I know that it's gonna be a challenge each week to lift myself out of that bottom spot, it’s very hard...I still haven't won the judges over completely and if I just focus and keep my eye on being a better me, I can leave a happy person. Now do I want to leave a happy person any time soon?...HELL NO!!
Stephanie & I created a special bond before we even knew each other...I remember Stephanie at Casting Week and I told myself...we are gonna be good friends AND we were. With anyone you love, you never want to see that person upset or hurt. When the scale told the tale, we knew it was not going to be a good ending. I prayed that it wouldn't end this way...Stephanie wanted to be there to the bitter end just like myself. To have to say goodbye to my "wife" on the show was and is too hard to put into words. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE STEPHANIE...FOREVER!!
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